to see Aedyn's 26 week ultrasound via at the bottom of the blog posts.

Monday, December 22, 2008

CD73 and Merry Christmas!

Yes you read right today is CD73 and just became CD1!!! My body's way of giving me a wonderful Christmas :)

Now if she will just be sure to show up again in 28 days.

This would have us planned for our FET the first week of March!!!! WOOHOO!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

CD 51 and counting

Yes you read right I am on CD 51 and still no sight of AF. Definately not prego and not breastfeeding anymore.
So where oh where can she be?

I have a dr appt on tuesday, not for this, but i will ask they refer me to a GYN to get her started again. It is important that I get AF again and regularly in order to have our FET in Feb/Mar!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Being Thankful for year 2008.

We have been asked to give our testimony as to why we are thankful this year. So I thought I would also fill you in.

We will recap last year....

After years of trying to grow our family DH and I turned to Fertility Treatments and went through IVF in April. We carried twins until Aug 24/25, 2007. At just over 20 wks, they came into the world and were with us for such a very short time. Through many months of grieving, we tried again only to find out the week of Thanksgiving last year, that we were not expecting. We scheduled to try again in December, and after quite a bit of anxiety and overwhelming grief for the Christmas Holiday, we cancelled our frozen transfer and decided that we could try on our own with the fertility meds we still had. And on December 30th, when I had all but given up on the idea of being pregnant, I took a home pregnancy test and it was a very very very light positive. I went the next day to confirm with a blood test - we were indeed pregnant.
Our year started out great and in the middle of this great year, we lost 2 beautiful boys, only to end this year on the same great note we started on. Within weeks of the new year, we found out that not only did we have 2 angels, we were expecting 2 babies again. We were overwhelmed with joy and fear.
It was Ash Wednesday - what would I give up this lenten season? God made that choice for me, one of the twins heartbeat had stopped. We would wait and watch over this pregnancy for the next 27 weeks. This was a long journey, but this year we are so thankful for the prayers, the doctors, and the gift that God gave us with Aedyn and 3 Angels to watch over her.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Still no sign

Still no sign of AF - and no....there is no way i am pregnant.

Not even one symptom has peeked yet!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Where oh where are you AF?

okay - so i had to check when was the last time i thought i had AF? the 10th of october, so i should have seen here again on the 7th of Nov, well today is the 11th and she is no where is sight or symptoms.
i should take bets on when she might show up. i really would like to get on a schedule again quickly - as march is coming quickly and i really want to do our FET like planned.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A pretty quite week

well my last post was about the disappointment of the LLL meeting - the rest of the week has been pretty quite as far as life goes. the noise has been coming from the horrible gas little miss Aedyn has been having. It has not been a fun time, but I think that is now behind us. She has been doing great last night and today - so we count our blessings.
Tomorrow we get to see mr Jake - her little boyfriend! He is a real handsome baby. He will be 4 wks old on Saturday!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

High Expectations

Okay - I guess my expectations were set a little high after being a part of Resolve group meetings.....the LLL meeting was not what I expected at all. In fact, it was hardly a meeting at all.
I will start from the beginning.

I arrived at the coffee shop and found the other ladies and babies/toddlers.
Upon arrival, I was not greeted until after I said hello - is the the LLL meeting?
Then someone said oh yes, come join us. They seem to be so involved with just chatting amongst themselves.
There was no introduction period, and there was no useful discussions. It was primarily one of the three leaders of the group asking me questions one on one and then giving me a bunch of brochures.
There was only one other lady there that had a little girl just about a week younger than Aedyn. And she was there primarily to network since she is new in town.
No body there had issues with milk production let alone issues with breastfeeding.
Except the other lady and I - I am not really sure how she felt about the meeting, but I thought it was a waste of my morning. I am really disappointed. I was hoping I guess to have a more formalized discussion like we do with infertility at the resolve meetings.

Oh well - I guess when you set the bar too high, you are bound to be disappointed.

On to the afternoon - Aedyn and I went to visit our wonderful friends Mar.gie and Bo.bbi - we had a wonderful lunch and afternoon chat. Until Aedyn was ready to go home and sleep. So off to home we are.

Monday, October 13, 2008

AF or Not AF

So I thought I had AF start on the 29th, it lasted for 4 days. Then I had AF start again on the 3rd, it is still here. So was the 29th AF or is the 3rd AF?

I am going to guess that the 29th was and so is the 3rd - with the nursing and the domperidone and having given birth, I think that the uterus is still shrinking down and the body is still trying to get rid of the excess blood.

I would say that my next cycle would truely be a normal cycle - hopefully it doesnt show up for a few more weeks though, then I can start to figure out my timing again.

Tomorrow is the La.Lache.Leage meeting over at a coffee shop down the way from the base, Aedyn and I are going to take a chance and attend the meeting. I am hoping to meet other mommies and find some support for the over flow of emotions I am having for not being able to produce enough for her.

Thursday is here 2 month appointment, so I will get to find out how much she now weighs and how much taller she is - hopefully she is doing great even though she still doesnt eat much at all.

well she is crying now, so I am going to sign off and give her lots of hugs and kisses :)

Friday, October 10, 2008

It has been a day!

Okay where have I been? updating Aedyn's blog more often.

So AF came and went, and then showed up again today! Oh well, maybe last week was not AF??

My little Aedyn is doing so well, be sure to check out her blog for updated pictures.

So - I called the NTC (our IVF clinic) and found out the scoop on what is going on.

Basically we cannot scheduled a FET until it has been 6 months since Aedyn's birth - Navy Rules. But we can call 2 months prior to schedule the baseline u/s and the possible FET.

So we are looking at calling in January for a beginning of March baseline and FET - which if it works will bring us a little one sometime in October/November......perfect timing but if it doesn't we'll end up doing FET's until it does work.

Right now we have 16 frozen embryos....I would love it if we could have all 16 but, that is simply out of the question!!! with my age, the time involved, the cost to raise a football team, and the fact that - it is impossible for all 16 frozen embies to make it to implantation - so we pray for one, while silently I continue to pray for 2.

Once we have delivered #2(and maybe #3).......we will be donating our remaining embryos to other couples who are still on this journey.

We know there are several blood tests required and a really huge screening for both DH and I, but we also know that there are loving families out there who are struggling just like we did to have their family begin.

We prefer to have an open donation, to allow the parents to know who we are and for them to be able to contact us while their little one grows up. I feel that this would be a better situation if for some reason they need additional medical information or if our little one gets sick and needs us. In addition, the world is a small place and I would prefer to know that our children if they ever were to meet would NEED to know that they are biologically 100% brother/sister.

Okay - now that I have rambled on and on - I am going to sign off and spend some time with DH and Aedyn.

Monday, September 29, 2008

AF - Are you kidding me?

Okay today is exactly 5wks4days since Aedyn was born and I just got AF! Are you kidding me, breastfeeding and pumping did not stop her from showing up! This is like some ugly joke or something.

Well - DH and I are still up in the air about taking the mini-pill. I have the prescription filled, but doubt I will take it. We have decided that since I am not going back to work and thus we are loosing quite a bit of income, we may not be able to afford the FET and maybe we should just try on our own again at least until we have some funds put aside for the FET to actually occur. Our plan is still April/May - so we will see.

Well Aedyn is awake, I need a shower and DH is now back to work. I miss him already!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Where Have I been?

updating more on Aedyn's blog.

Our Journey for number 2 is in a waiting pattern as we want to wait until she is at least 7-9 months old before starting on this road again.

I did get some good info - the Na.vy Clinic has the contract again and is in the midst of preparing to take IVF/FET clients again. Hopefully all the renovations will be done by the time we are ready and we can do our FET with our FAVORITE RE Dr. Lau.fer :)

Being a mom is great - everytime i look at this little girl, i am happy and sad at the same time.
I am so happy to have her in my life and I am saddened that she will never get to know her two older brothers Ethan and Andrew. But I am reminded that they are watching over her and have been from the very beginning. I also must admit I am sad that she will never know the sister/brother that she lost so early in her gestation. And again, I know that little spirit is with her brothers in the arms of Heaven.

Next week will be Aedyn's first day at chuch and is also her dedication.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

No more meds

Okay - so after last nights feelings of being out of my mind and my body, I decided that I cannot continue taking the Reg.lan to help increase my milk production. I will have to accept what the the Good Lord is allowing me to have naturally. I figure I would take the fenugreek again - as the headaches have subsided and if it lowers my blood sugar i can just decrease my insulin needs until I am done taking it.

Truely - that medication had me so totally out of my mind, I couldnt even hold Aedyn for fear that I would drop her. I slept so much yesterday that when I woke, I was barely even awake. We tried to go out for dinner, I was so freaked out at dinner, we had to hurry up to get home. I dont ever want to feel that way again!

I woke up this morning like yesterday was a complete dream - just solidified that fact that I am not taking that stuff again.

I found this about it: all those in bold fit me!

What are the possible side effects of metoclopramide?

Stop using metoclopramide and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
tremors, or restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
mask-like appearance of the face; fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing; depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, jittery feeling, trouble staying still;
swelling, fluid retention; jaundice (yellowing of your skin or eyes); or seizure (convulsions).

Less serious side effects may include:
feeling restless, drowsy, tired, or dizzy; headache, sleep problems (insomnia);
nausea, diarrhea; breast tenderness or swelling; changes in your menstrual periods; or
urinating more than usual.

This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur. Tell your doctor about any unusual or bothersome side effect.

So needless to say - I am done with that stuff!

Not to mention -

What is metoclopramide?
Metoclopramide increases muscle contractions in upper digestive tract. This speeds up the rate at which the stomach empties into the intestines.
Metoclopramide is used short-term to treat heartburn caused by gastroesophageal reflux in people who have used other medications without relief of symptoms.
Metoclopramide is also used to treat slow gastric emptying in people with diabetes (also called diabetic gastroparesis), which can cause nausea, vomiting, heartburn, loss of appetite, and a feeling of fullness after meals.
Metoclopramide may also be used for other purposes not listed in this medication guide.

Okay - i know this is used to help with milk production..........but let me tell you Aedyn has had really really really bad gas pains for the last two days and I really think it is because of this medication.

I hope that it does go away now that I am not going to be taking it anymore.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Home Photo Shoot

Today, Aedyn will have a photographer from the hospital stop by and do a quick home photo shoot of her.

Pictures pictures pictures - we get a free 8x10 out of it and i am sure we'll probably spend more money on beautiful pictures.

DH went to the Protestant Men of the Chapel breakfast this morning, so Aedyn and I have been on our own.

I did get a quick shower while she took her first after meal nap - which was very short. She was fussy for a little bit and is back down after getting a 20unit top off of formula.

the BF/pumping is getting a little better, my 1 oz per pump has slightly increased to just under 1.5 oz per pump session.

Am now taking a prescription that should starting showing effects by the 4th day and hopefully I can get at least 3-4 oz per pump session for her.

On a different note:
I have tried to call the In.fertility Clinic all week and get the answering machine! I will be trying again next week. Since we go to the NTC at San Diego - I have to find out if we are able to use our RE when we do the FET next year, or if we have to plan on more $ and go to the actual Off Base Clinic for our FET. There have been some Navy Contract Issues with the Infer.tilty program this we'll see what happens come April/May.

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Feet compairson

Okay - i know it is a little late to be comparing my feet.....
But I had to wait for my real feet to return in order to show you all the difference.

Today marks 42lbs lost out of the 50lbs I gained with Aedyn - yes I did say 42lbs!
After you look at my feet you will know that most of it was all water.

so this is how big my feet were at 34 wks.
And this is today how my feet look.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

More thoughts

well - not many more thoughts right now. It is all very complicated.

DH and I are so super thrilled that Aedyn is here!

Right now the thought is to try again in April or May - we'll see how we feel when the time comes, waiting a little longer is not necessarily a bad thing.

We waited 5 years for her, what is a few more months for the second or third :)

Aedyn's Due Date

So today is the day - Aedyn was supposed to be due!

She came a few weeks early, 2wks2days early, and we couldnt be more overjoyed.

She is an amazing little girl and our miracle from God.

I know everyone is thinking, now that we have had a child, will we still continue this journey through IF?
Yes - I dont believe anyone every over comes IF. It is something that stays with you and is always learking in your mind.

We are planning to try again come April or May.

Although with my slightly advanced maternal age, we plan on using our frozen embryos for our second little miracle.
A few reasons being:
my age, time, my high risk status, and the fact that we are having a very difficult time with having 16 embryos frozen and what should be done with them.

we go back and forth with their future - mind you we will NEVER let them just be destroyed!

I have to finish my thoughts on this post a little later.

The little lady needs her diaper changed :)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Almost one week

Our little Aedyn has come!

After a very long induction, we ended up with an emergency c-section and a beautiful baby girl.

Aedyn came into the world on Aug 21 at 12:15 am at 6lbs 8oz, and 18 inches long. She has a full head of hair also.

please visit her blog for pictures and the whole story of her birth.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

3 DAYS....

3 days is 72 hours - can this really be? I am quite sure more than 72 hours, but 3 days seems so short.
I have so many mixed emotions right now - i am happy, sad, scared, excited, anxious, and most of all so totally in love with someone i have never met before.
All I have of her is kicking and movement and the sound of her heartbeat.
I want to hear her scream and cry and breath.
I want to hold her close and just stare at her.

I am ready but not ready.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

6 days to go??? maybe less

Okay so we offically have 6 days to go, however we still think a little less.

Doesnt she know we made plans around her birthday! After all a lot of thought went into picking the date of induction.

It would be an independant birthday, we know of no one in either family or with friends who have her birthday.
The amnio scheduled for Tuesday would be done by our loved!!! Dr Strong, who coinsidently is also on duty Wednesday at the hospital, so in most likelyhood would delivery her!!!!

Okay - i know it isnt her that would be changing her birthday, it would be me or should I say my body!

So either way, we would be oh so glad to have her in our arms........but, lets stick to the plan here :)

Oh yes, it is amazing how much the skin streatches. My feet are about 3 times their normal size and are turning a dark reddish purple color ---- not sure this is really okay, but my BP is still great and I still have no signs of pre-eclampsia.

I do have an NST and fluid check tomorrow, I might ask if they would check to see if I am dialated yet. I had a little bit of mucus today, so anytime now and the plug will drop!

If I disappear and dont post by Sunday.......I might have had a little girl!

Monday, August 11, 2008

My Focal Point

I have decided that since we are choosing not to do an epidural that I must find a focal point that can assist me through the pain.

I have a precious photo of the twins in a beautiful "love" frame, it is small....but my angels have watched over this pregnancy, me and Aedyn the entire time. They will be my focal point while I bring her into the world.

Everything is packed and ready in the car, we have the car seat set up, our luggage and Aedyn's luggage all loaded up. We did this last night with our little scare and trip t0 OB Triage....
as you can tell, nothing happened and we are home still awaiting this little girls grand appearance.

9 days to go..........and our final growth scan is tomorrow morning.

I am guessing just over 5lbs, but we will see what tomorrow brings us.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

15 days and counting

15 days to go.

I posted Aedyn's gifts on her be sure to check it out.

Today's NST and OB appt went quite well.
She is very active and got buzzed again because she decided to take a nap.....but all is well with this little girl.

Here is the scoop on the induction -

on Aug 19th at 10:15 - we have an amnio scheduled, the results should be back by 3PM - if all is good with her lungs and she is ready - we will get a call from Good Sam letting us know there is a bed and to head down to be mind you, this call could come anytime after 3PM on the 19th.

I am starting to get anxious and a little confused about my emotions. The closer it is time for me to walk into those doors at Good Sam, the more I want to turn and run.
This is supposed to be a happy time, but I am sad. She is coming into this world without her brothers and I think that this is just going to be hard.

I really miss them and am starting to miss them even more as the days come closer for her arrival.

It is not something that DH really talk about - it is like I have started all over with the stages of grief and I am really lost. I am so afraid that I won't know how to take care of her because I am lost with Ethan and Andrew. I know that sounds crazy.

I did schedule a grief appt during my maternity leave - so that I could at least have someone to talk with. I dont want my grief for the boys to be misunderstood.

I know she will consume my world and my life, I just dont want my boys to be forgotten.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Giant Feet & 16 days to go~!

I guess I forgot to update everyone! It seems that the Doc thinks maybe I was a little dehydrated. However, my BP is still on the low side of hypertension and the swelling is getting worse - my shoes are not quite containing it in my feet. I have one pair of shoes that I can wear! And with 16 days to go, I am not buying anymore! Still no headaches or blurry vision, so we are still pretty good.

My wonderful friend from Chruch gave me a baby shower on Saturday, it was nice to see so many of my friends! Especially since life is so busy, we always end up just chatting on the phone once in a while. Everyone looked great and we all had a wonderful time.
Some games, food, and fellowship. Aedyn got some wonderful and beautiful gifts! When I get home tonight, I will post them on her blog site - so be sure to check her site out :)

Though our journey is not over, I will be dedicating much more time to updating everyone on her life though her site.

We plan on doing this all again this coming April/May time frame. Trying to avoid a long hot pregnant summer again. Two years in a row is enough. Plus, we really want to try to have baby #2 sometime in the late winter/early spring - when Aedyn is about 18-20 months old.
We have decided that we will use our embryos that are frozen for baby #2.
I have great difficulty letting them go just yet.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

High Blood Pressure

so today all started for us at 12:30 in the morning with a little nausia that woke me up. I began with checking my blood sugar it was pretty good at 79. Then i thought well maybe I should check my blood pressure - well it was in the 160's/99!!! not one time, but two times - I began to check it thorughout the next half hour, by 1:00 AM I was finally able to fall back to sleep with 138/84. Not bad, but I checked my blood sugar again it was 76. I figured since it was on the down slide, I would suspend my basal rate insulin until it was time to wake up, so no insulin from 1am to 630am - and when i woke up my fasting blood sugar was 99 - still great! but again my blood pressure was 138/84 - not too bad. well by the time I got to work it was in the 150's from 9am to 11am. I called the MFM's office, they were not that concerned, just drink some water and relax and stay cool.
Since I did not have a headache, blurry vision and I was no longer nausiated - we were doing pretty good.
when I got home from work it was 138/74 and I feel just fine.

I have a fluid check in the morning so we will see how things go from there.

She has been a little dormant last night and today - not too much movement going on - i am not quite worried yet - since I can still feel when she is getting wiggly and I will see here on u/s again in the morning.

Although we have a date set for Aug 20th, I am not sure my body is going to agree with the date that was seems that this old body of mine is thinking sooner than later.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Date has been set

Tentatively speaking!

Today's NST went well and the talk with Dr was quite insightful. Aedyn is doing well and mommy is too. She got buzzed again today, she really did not like it at all. Her heart rate increased from the nice 130-140's to the 160-180's. And then she decided that it was all my fault and was kicking me for some time after that. At least she is responding and active!
We are scheduled for our final growth scan on Aug 12th and then we will have an amnio done on Aug 19th to ensure she is ready to meet the world. If all goes well on the 19th, we will be induced on the 20th!
I pray that the induction is fast and she is ready to meet the world with a big hollar!
We are all set to have an epidural free delivery.

22 days until we get to meet little Aedyn Satori!

Added info: The early induction is due to the diabetes.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Aedyn's First Present!

Our little Aedyn received her first present last week from our dearest mamasoon, Josee!
Thank you so so so much!!!! We have already stuffed the diaper bag with things that need to go with us to the hospital, like her picture outfit, her personalized blanket that was given by Andrea, and her mommy and daddy made snoopy onesies, of course we'll have some diapers and diaper accessories too.

pretty simple room with snoopy everywhere!
here are the other gifts the ladies from work gave little Aedyn!

Oh and look at the yummy cake!!!

we had a great time, though many of the ladies had other plans they sent Aedyn gifts for the shower. we both enjoyed spending the afternoon with the girls.

Oh yes, I can't forget to post the pictures of me being prego - although, i feel more like a huge watermelon is strapped to my front! the blue is at 33 wks and the green is at 34 wks.

Friday, July 25, 2008

34 wks tomorrow!

Aedyn is still sucking on her hand, we had a fluid check u/s today and did not need to do the NST because we could see the respitory activity again :)
but she has got that hand right up against her little lips again! I have a thumb sucker on the way ---- gotta love the habbits they bring from the womb.
still head down - and today she got the buzz 3 times, it was quite entertaining to watch because the first time she just moved her hand, the second time she moved every limb, and the thrid time was like "what ever" leave me alone i am trying to sleep in here!
tomorrow is her baby shower from the ladies at work - lots of fun and lots of pink are on the way!
i am gonna bring the camera and post the pictures of her new stuff - if i can figure out how to download those darn pictures - i may have to get some technical help from DH or the brother.....OH my, i am normally the technical one around the house, but she is slowing sucking up all my brain cells!

also got my hands, neck and lower back adjusted - my back and neck feel much better, but my hands although not clicking and popping out of the joints feel very very stiff.

i am not complaining in anyway - i would not trade a single day of this pregnancy for anything.
maybe just one day - when we found out that Aedyn's twin passed away (Ash Wednesday 2008).

Tuesday's ob appt might bring me news i am not wanting to hear this early - my blood sugar for the last 4 days have been quite perfect! i am still praying and willing for an August 26th delivery date - but God and the MFM will decide on that if Aedyn doesnt do it for them.

Have a great weekend my friends!!!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

NST #2

yesterday was nst #2 - she was not too happy with the equipment - she kept wiggling around and kicking it.....needlesstosay i was hooked up for over a half hour and the NP came in for my OB appt while i was still hooked up.
on the plus side:

not enough protein to count in my 24 hour test, however, i still have 1+protein with my morning sample. my blood sugar is back to its normal self - going crazy - with exception to yesterday, where it was perfect all day. i even woke up this morning with an 80! they will keep watching me closely.

the NP asked when i wanted to go on leave......huh? you mean i get to decided? she thinks it would be a good idea soon since i have a bad case of edema in both my hands and feet, along with toxema induced carpotunnel in my right hand that is now progressing to my left hand.
it is quite entertaining to see the bottom of the thumb bone pop back into the socket.....however a little painful.

i have another fluid check on Friday, so i will get to see Aedyn sucking on her hand again :)

we have our first baby shower with the ladies at work this saturday. and then the ladies at chuch are having one for Aedyn the following saturday. i am so not a receiver of gifts, i prefer to be on the other side with the giving.

okay - well i never did get to finish with Aedyn's room last weekend, i got on the lazy and swollen side. i did however finally get a pregnancy photo of me taken (yes, one) at 33 wks. we got a new camera so i have to figure out how to get the photo off the camera and post it.

so if you are patient with me - i promise to get busy with Aedyn's room and posting all the photos.

have a great humpday!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

33 Wks

Woo Hoo - 33 weeks today!

we did the fluid check yesterday and were to have another NST, but since little Aedyn's fluid was great and they could see respitory activity, no NST needed!
she was ...... yes......sucking on her hand again.....i think her left hand is going to be pruned when she gets here!

i am getting much more swollen as the days continue, i gain 2 lbs in 3 days!!! yes 2lbs - all water weight i am sure since it now takes about 10 mins once i get my shoes on for me to get them tied.

the toxema in my right hand is getting much worse....the chiropractor adjusted it and it felt great for about 6-7 hours, but now the bone at the wrist where my thumb is keeps popping out - it is cool to watch, but a little painful.

ahh the wonders of carrying a baby, i wouldnt trade any of it in ~ it is so worth every minute.

my mom asked me the other day if we were sure we didnt just want one so i wouldnt have to go through this again......................i couldnt image no going through this again to have another miracle to add to our family. God is good and has carried me through. If i couldn't handle it, he would never had let us get this far.
and i find more strenght each day knowing that Ethan and Andrew are watching over their sister. my PERFECT angels.

Have a great weekend, we really are going to finish her room today!!!! and i will post pics before the weekend is over!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Our 1st NST

our first non stress test, not bad at all. Aedyn was quite a little active girl, i think because i did not eat breakfast before going, since i have to do the 24 test today, i didnt want to have to have my bladder burst at their office and then have to start all over.

her little heart beat was all over the place....anywhere from 140 to the highest i have ever seen of 170. no contractions!!!

edema is still really bad and i just got some quite disturbing news.
apparently they want my sugar to get worse, it is a good sign that the placenta is doing it job by flooding my body with hormones.....and since i have been having really good sugars without chaning my pump settings over the last week, this is a cause for concern that maybe the placenta is not doing a great job with the flooding of hormones and if this is the case, they will have me deliver in the next few weeks - but we are going to monitor this closely over the next 10-14 days before any decision is made definate.

i never thought i would pray for my insulin needs to increase, but that is the prayer i have right now!!!

i really would like her to chill out in here until at least Aug 23rd!!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

32 wks

okay our 32 wk 3/4D u/s came and went - i planned on posting pics last night, but instead spent 3 hours trying to get my blood sugar to stabalize.

let me start from the beginning

our appt on Saturday......she loves to suck on her left hand and her little foot :)

such a little stinker already!
after the appointment, we really did not do too much, i took a nap and cooked some dinner and we just kinda hung out around the house.
Sunday - started off to be a pretty good day - went to church and had some good ole southern style lunch for the PWOC fundraiser and headed off to the grocery store.
got home and rested a little then cooked dinner for the family and a friend.
about an hour after dinner, which tasted great going down, but not so much coming up.
not quite sure why it came up, but it did...........i laid down and had a frozen juice pop thinking that would calm my tummy and give me some sugar to off set what i just disposed of.
well at the 2 hour mark, i check my blood sugar and it was 55 - normal is 70, i was a little low, so DH gave me about 16 oz of orange juice - which is about 40 grams of carbs, i tested again 10 mins later and my sugar had gone down to 52, so i had another frozen juice pop (15 grams) and 3 glucose tabs (12 grams) and waited 10 mins and tested again 47! what the heck, it is still going down!!! i checked my insulin pump and suspended it for an hour - DH got my Glucogon Emergency Kit and we called the Nurse on call. while we waited for her call back, i check my sugar again, thinking okay it should at least be going up by now - i have just consumed over 60 grams of carbs in the last 30 mins.......................44, she called back (within about 5 mins) and said to get some milk and cheese ready and take the shot...........once i take this shot to counter act the effects of my sugar going sky high i have to have protein. i did not take the entire shot, maybe 1/3rd of the vial.
i have only taken this shot one other time and i took the whole vial and with 30 mins, my sugar was in the 400's - never again i swore.
but this was worrying my quite a bit, as Aedyn, was kicking and kicking and kicking - i am very sure it was from all the sugar, but she wore herself out last night, coz today she has been pretty dormant....only 4-6 kicks per hour.
okay back to last night - 15 mins after the shot my sugar was 66 on the rise! thank GOD!!!!
and 15 mins after that it was 209! that shot really works - needless to say, having very low and the quite high blood sugar is extremely exhausting - i litterly passed out. The nurse called about another half hour later to ensure that i got my sugars over 75 and make sure i was not in a coma.
DH says i slept so hard, that i was snoring quite loudly.............i dont remember much about sleeping, but i guess i might have been snoring considering how physically exhausted i was.
I awoke this AM at 630 with a blood sugar of 81 - perfect!
and today my sugars have been perfect.
Although, i think with the physcial exhaustion of last night, i might have allowed my immune system to be compromised and I feel like I am catching a cold of some sort, my throat is feeling quite scratching and swollen.
I have an appt tomorrow for my non-stress test and my 24 protein(urine) test, as well as an OB visit - so we'll see how i feel when i wake up.
Sorry this was such a long post! I hope everyone else has started their week off in a much brighter note!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Almost 32 wks

2 more days and we get to see our little girls smile again.....well hopefully she smiles for us again. she has been so much more active these last few days - actually making my tummy jump it is the wierdest sight to see....let alone feel.

work has been a long yet short week. as i prepare for a 3 day work week starting next week, i am finding myself overwhelmed with how much work i really do have to sifen out to my staff and my co-workers who are already busy with their own work. at least for me, i can do work from home in my pj's :)

i have my connection to the server, access to my email, and a good ole fashion fax machine....what else do i need. i have already proven that my job could be successfully done from home for a short time period, as last year after the boys came, i was out for 6 wks and did do some things from home as i felt up to it. this year will probably be a little different since a little one will be needing me almost every minute of the day.........okay i will be needing her every minute of the day :)

thank goodness tomorrow is friday!!!! then we will have one more day until the 3/4D ultrasound!

i can hardly wait - since she is moving around a lot more, it will be fun to just watch her.

i will definatly post her new pics as soon as i get home!!!

have a great and blessed weekend to come.

Monday, July 7, 2008

1+ Proteins

okay so Wk 31 is starting off with quite an uproar.

Saturday wk31 - Aedyn decided she liked to dance and dance and dance. we went to some friends house and they were playing all sorts of carribean music - she just loved it!!! it was like she was doing the hokie pokie in there.

Sunday wk31d1 - Aedyn must have wore herself out, becasue there was very little movement all day long - i was not really worried until it came time for me actually do a count and even after a nice cold beverage, she still was chillin out in there - so out came the doppler....a nice 155bpm, i slept well since i found her heart very quickly and we had an appt today.

So Today, Monday wk31d2 - our appt is pretty good, she is now up and about moving around and kicking like crazy.......however, today's urine test came back with ketones, sugar, and 1+proteins. Now i have to have a 24hour protein test along with a laundry list of blood work to test for pre-eclampsia.....(i cant spell by the way).

And a new regiment begins next week - Perinatal visits every tuesday and every friday - for stress and fluid checks, along with my leaving my sample.

I have no true tale signs of PE - no blurred vision, no headaches, no seeing stars, and no high blood pressure.....however, i do have the protein dumping and a very bad case of is almost to my knees.

I thank God that I have a great team of Doctors!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

9 1/2 weeks

well we have about 9 1/2 weeks until the due date. i am getting more and more nervous as the days count down, but also very anxious.

she is definately moving around a lot more and kicking a lot more, she responds to sounds....especially when my Cat Peanut lays his purring head on my tummy.....she moves toward the sound.

and when daddy is reading, she is oh so very attentive......kicking me when there is too much pause in his book.

Oh Baby, The Places You'll Go - a wonder rhyming book by Dr Suess.

counting her movements and kicks is very difficult as i often forget my count and have to start all over.....then there are times, she is sleeping and i have to wake her up with a nice very cold bottle of water.....boy does she get mad - kick kick kick in the same spot.

but i wouldnt trade those wonderful kicks for anything, some times they hurt and sometimes it is all i can do to keep from giggling and smiling.

we have our 32 wk 3/4D u/s coming up on the 12th and i can hardly wait to see her face and big hands and feet again!

Our little Aedyn Satori will be here soon and the world as we know it will be changed forever.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Our Growth Scan

Friday was nice, no work, wonderful lower back adjustment and we got to see Aedyn again.

She is definatly going to be a very tall little girl! She was measuring 28w3d on Friday which was about 3 days biggie, she is actually catching up as she has been 7 days behind from the beginning. Her approximate weight is 2lbs13oz - right on target.

We had a Fetal Fibronectin test done STAT because of our fun came back with a voice mail that said the test came back ok ---- but didnt tell me if it was negative or positive, i will assume it came bac negative~otherwise we would have been headed to Good Sam.

After my very long day rolling egg rolls all day Saturday, I mostly laid around and did nothing!

And Sunday was filled with cooking all day ~ we had a total of 8 mouths to feed and boy did I feed them a lot of food.....about 70 egg rolls, fried rice, sweet and sour chicken and egg drop soup. Everyone was stuffed!
By the time I started to relax, I had 2 breath-taking contractions 15 mins apart and my saving grace walked in gave me a nice big 17-alpha Hydroxyprogesterone caporate shot and voila - no more contractions!

Monday was mostly a i was driving to my Resolve meeting, i had a very very uneasy contraction and while talking with DH decided that if after drinking a couple glasses of water they were not letting up, i would be calling him on my way home and for him to be ready to take me to Good Sam. It seems that I was a bit dehydrated, because after drinking 2 glasses of water they subsided. No contractions after that.
Got some great promising news while there, one of the ladies who is pursuing adoption got the call, they have been picked. Now they need to meet with the birth parents. Pray that all goes smoothing and that when this little baby is born within the next 8 wks, they will become parents!!!

And we come to today! Numbers are filling my head and they gave me a headache. The chiropractor took the headache away though. However, since the adjustment, I am extremely exhausted.

So yes while it is only 7PM - I am off to lay in bed and drift away for the night.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What a Hump Day!

so lets see - where to start, where to start?

yesterday was a blur until later in the evening when Aedyn decided that moving around and being noticeable was not going to be her style for the night - needless to say, it freaked me out, so I brought out the big gun....okay the little doppler. took quite some time to find her heartbeat, about the time I was trying to calm myself, I decided to just hold the doppler above my belly button and press firmly! I guess she woke up - coz all the sudden I got the big swooshing, swooshing, and about 10 seconds of heartbeat 155....then the swooshing commenced, I felt a lot better even though i still couldnt feel her moving around.
I realized that it seems like over night, but my shirts are so much tighter today than they were last week - I am assuming she just got some more room in there with the uterus expanding yet again and I just couldnt feel it.

I really do ramble on, so forgive me...where was I?

Hump Day - the day was long and hot and got worse! while on the drive home, a little rock decided that my windshield was going to be its victim! Uggg - I hate having to replace my windshield. my military base sticker is on the windshield!!! what does this mean? well Luke AFB doesnt issue them, if we go out of town or to another military base, we have to stop at the visitor gate and get a pass every time! we normally get our sticker from San Diego Naval base..................I guess we will just have to make a trip up there soon. I am sure Aedyn will want to visit with Dr Laufer, after all he had a hand in bringing her to us. I would rather go up there NOW ---- it is an inferno here in AZ.

Finally got my vents at work open, so my office can be a cool 70 degrees :) 3 years i have been freezing in my office with the vents CLOSED and now i am burning up and they are open!

Well enough of me complaining.

Aedyn decided that kicking me noticably today was cool, so when a co-worker pointed out that my belly was jumping, she just had to kick me more! It was kinda cool and at the same time, a little painful, I definatly had to go pee after her kicking.....she is going to be quite the handful.

And we want to do this again next summer!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Father's Day weekend

okay - so i know that i said we would finish her room. Alas, we never stepped into her room this weekend. So many things took over. it is the end of our fiscal year at work and some purchases needed to be made. spent most of Saturday AM getting this done, by the time we got home, it was so hot outside, all i could do was lay on the bean bags and veg out.
Sunday - we didnt really do any celebrating - it seems that between remembering the loss of our two sons, it was hard to celebrate the upcoming birth of our little girl. instead we decided that going to chuch and getting our groceries and coming home to spend some quality time together was better for us. avoid all the crowds and all the daddy talk for now.

Aedyn has been giving me some contractions but they seems to have subsided after my P17 shot - so far none today.

Picture this!!! it really is funny - and you can even try it at home for yourself :)
I had to renew my CPR certification today......the dummy on the floor and round pregnant girl over it trying to lean down to do the ABC's of CPR...needless to say, I kicked the guy next to me, because standing on my knees and leaning over just doesnt i almost layed down and kicked my leg out which hit him! luckily he didnt think anything of it.
so - how do you try this at home you ask!
take a basket ball, tuck it under your shirt, stand on you knees and lean forward tilting your head to do the Look Listen and Hear will defiantly fall over -just like me :)

Oh yeah, after kicking this guy, he was nice enough to help me back up off the floor.

Well at least it is done now!

And it brought back all those things i need to remember about CPR for babies! A major plus.

I wont promise, but I think I will finish her room this weekend while Daddy is at a nice and cool sound board confrence for chuch on Saturday!

By the way - Goodyear's high today was the highest in the Valley of Sun - 115!!!!! INFERNO!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Time Fly's

time has been flying by so quickly - summer is here and boy is it HOT!

DH and I celebrated our 5 year anniversay Saturday that just passed in Pinetop, AZ. It was beautiful up there. We hung out in the beautiful small town, got some local diner food, caught a movie, went swimming at the resort, and caught the races at Race.way.
The races were great, loud engines and exhaust - the bleachers and uncomfortableness was not so fun. I think Aedyn will enjoy the races, she was quite active and kicking a lot while we were there, especially when the engines reved up nice and loud.
She has been moving around so much lately, when she is not moving, i have to give her a little wiggle.

Work is also pretty busy these days, it is the end of the fiscal year and we are trying to make sure we are ready to close the books and start a new fiscal year. Summer time is definatley my busy time. Last year, our Fincial audit was done while I was on leave, and it seems that it will be the same this year......I wish I could say I planned it this way, but I can't.

We had our 3rd echo done last friday and Aedyn's heart is just perfect. The MFM wants us to come back on the 20th for a growth scan to see where we are with her weight.
My blood sugar this weekend was really bad - I think she decided to have some growth spurt, because i got my insulin pump adjusted and it was back to normal for a day or two. it is getting high again - so i am sure they will adjust it again tomorrow.
funny how breakfast today is exactly the same as breakfast yesterday and my sugar is almost 40 points different! she is definatly growing!!!

Have a great weekend! I plan on truely finishing the room this weekend and will post the finished product by Sunday Night.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Wk 26

oh what an exciting day today has been.

we got to see little Aedyn and gave in......Aedyn is definately a GIRL!

she is beautiful and already has an attitude, she didnt want us taking any pictures of her face, so she kept putting her hands infront of her face, then she just had to show off how big her foot was.

the most amazing photo of all - looks as though she is praying that we will just leave her be so she can sleep.

here are a few of the pictures! and her is her site so you can see all 70 pictures.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memorial Day Weekend

Okay so i have been MIA - sorry!

I have been here and there and everywhere lately.

We are now into wk 25 and it still seems somewhat surreal. I look at my boys everyday and smile and then a tear comes okay so a few tears come. I miss them so much.

And when I start to get too sad, I feel little Aedyn moving around as if to remind me that although the boys are in heaven, she is here and will be to help mend my broken heart.

we plan on finishing her room this coming weekend after we have a 26wk 4D u/s. i will definatly post her pics after the u/s and the little movie if i can figure that out.

Oddly enough, i find myself planning for her future sibling(s) - with a transfer either at the end of April or the beginning of May, or every month there after until we are preggers.

I am getting older and I feel like the clock is ticking ever so loudly these days - many of the ladies I am around are either old enough to be my mom or their children are old enough to be my child's parent.

I digress.....

Have a great week and check back on Sunday for pictures of Aedyn!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Starting Aedyn's Room

Okay so i have some pictures to upload of Aedyn's room as we begin to complete it for her arrival. Yes i know we have 4 months to go, but it takes me a lot of time to make up my mind.

we are by all means not complete with the room.

we still have the glider to put together and place in the room along with the wall hangings.

we have a ton of clothes already!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Aedyn loves music!

Well it is tuesday! the week is not even over.....................

i have found that the more stimulation that is on around me, the more Aedyn moves around.
it is like she is dancing in my tummy. so i of course over do it..............listening to music and feeling her flip and jiggle around in there is such fun.....well that is until she feels the need to run into my bladder or jab me in the rib cage :)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day has come and gone

So Mother's day has come and gone.

Although it was not a difficult day emotionally, the day after has been much harder.

My mom called, and i got a few text messages saying Happy Mothers Day.

DH knew that I wanted nothing to do with the celebration of the day. It is hard enough on us to know that we should have two little beautiful boys at home with us, but they are in heaven.

I know we have now come 23 wks into this pregnany and I am still not comfortable with everything.

I am however getting much better with my attachment to this baby.
as each week progresses and her movements become much more frequent, i am starting to feel more and more comfort in bringing her home sometime in August or September.

I will be updating her website with all of the u/s pictures this week - and i will add the link when i am done.

I also found my camera so i can take pictures of her room!

Oh yeah - i still think she is a girl, but will know for sure on her birthday :)

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cinco De Mayo!!

so my first day of 35 came and went - nothing special, no noticable changes.

Little Aedyn is moving around much more now and defintely reminds me when it is time to eat something - with a few jabs in the abs and a nice streatch pushing against a rib or two.

Although with all the cushion in the mid section it isnt anything anyone else would notice.

I will begin practicing on my Guitar again in the next week - i have a nylon acoustic and the strings are being a little picky, i will probably go and get a steele string this week.
I am not great, but I want to learn to play the first song on this list by the David Crowder Band.

And they say at about wk 24, the baby can hear, i figure not only will the baby hear, but Aedyn will be able to feel the vibrations of the guitar against my belly.

well the week so far has started off a little slow - which is going to make the week drag, luckily i dont have to work on Friday - first the u/s and echo then off to Vegas.

kind of a mix of emotions on this mothers day weekend to come.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

My last day of 34

today is the last day i will be 34 - it is somewhat bittersweet. while my best laid plans were to have 2 beautiful and vibrant children before i was 35 - while part is true the other is yet to come.

i have 2 beautiful boys who in the heavens are vibrant babies.

i will celebrate this birthday with a baby on the way - 21w6d - more than half way there.

today one year ago i was given news of a positive beta - a birthday present that i never thought could be topped. and although there is nothing that can top the joy of my first day of 34. i know that this little miracle is just that a miracle and that we are so blessed and greatful to God for all he has done and given us.

i miss my boys.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The First Milestone

well - we made it past 20w6d and i feel a heavy weight lifted, but i am still struggling with the exhale. now i wait for wk24 to come and hopefully go to wk 28.

as my birthday comes and the just over a week comes mothers day, i am feeling a little uneasy. more like a basket case. i cannot seem to get past the fact that i should be holding two wonderful and lively boys on may 10th.....and i wont be. however, i know in my heart and mind, that i should be greatful and joyful for being able to know that this little one is still growing and thriving. at the same time, i feel so much guilt to want to feel this way.

i am grateful, but i am sad inside.
i am joyful, but i am still sad inside.

i have had 2 pregnancies in my life and have now lost 3 children - this math just doesnt work.

i pray that God has something extraordinary in store for this little Aedyn.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Thank you my friends for yours and support - yesterday was a hard day for me and today is not much better, as i am sure tomorrow will also be difficult.
i know once these few days have passed, i will be able to exhale.

over this weekend, we will be getting the office cleared out and a new desk and wall until for storage in it.
the room will be completed with its beginning decor on the walls and what not.
DH and I are going out to the raceway for some event - i just want to spend some time with him.

we are going to throw out the junk in our house!!!

clearing out the old and in with the new!

I do have another u/s coming up -not sure if i remembered to share that it will be the friday just before Mother's day!

Have a wonderful weekend and many blessings as this April month comes to a close.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Turmoil of the heart

so it has been a while since i was here.

i have had quite a bit of turmoil in my heart.
the time is approaching in this pregnancy where with the twins they entered our world too soon. it is just over 24 hours away when Ethan was born at 20wks5days.

although i am overjoyed with being given a chance for this child to enter our lives, i feel somewhat sad, mad, and uninvolved.
on the one hand, i should be here writing about Ethan and Andrews 3+months of wonderful growth, but on the other hand reality sets in and i am here writing about a new baby coming and i still cannot seem to get past this unattachment.

i have taken steps to try to bring some type of attachment or bond into this pregnancy, but i cant seem to get past the past.

we have completed putting the crib, chest, and armoire together and set up the room somewhat, we still need the decor on the walls - but this will be in the next weeks to come.

we have given this little peanut a name - Aedyn, weather he is a he or she is a she.

it is like life has gone on and i am still standing in the sadness and sorrow of losing my boys. i almost feel so selfish and unappreciative of this miracle Gods has given me.....
despite the fact that he once again took what he gave me.
not just loosing Ethan and Andrew, but also loosing Aedyn's twin not even 10 wks ago - on of all days - Ash Wednesday.

I am still waiting for the shoe to drop - my next appt has another u/s and an echo for the baby......i keep thinking that will be the end of this pregancy too.

I know that i am still in a state of grief for not only the boys but for the lost twin......i just cant seem to get out of the funk to enjoy this pregnancy and the fact that i might really get to bring this little peanut home to love and hold and nurture into a wonderful person.

I am quite sure that these feelings are overwhelming me because of the timing in this pregnancy,and i am sorry to be such a downer today.

I know that the Lord walks with me and has great things instore for this child, after all the pain and sorrow that has been bestowed on his/her parents in less than a year's time.

Many blessings as this passover week comes to an end.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

They are all actually the cog.nac color - however the armoire's picture looks a little off :)

Crafty Projects for Aedyn's Room

well i spent the weekend working on snoopy crafts, i made a memory board, 2 clothes pegs with snoopy fabric, a step stool, and some cute little single picture frames. everything was made with snoopy fabric!
also picked up from Micha.els AEDYN in unfinished wood - and DH is painting them and then will mount them on the snoopy fabric board for just above the baby's crib.

when we are done putting the room together in the next few weeks, i will post a picture of all the hard it is currently a work in progress.

i will post the furniture though - it is all Stork.craft - Asp.en Furniture - very very well priced!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hump Day - Go Go Go Go Go!

so it is now the middle of the week and it has been non stop. well - i am stopping for a moment now!

I am getting more and more excited for Friday, not because it marks the end of the week, but we will get to see this little one.

Our little boy/girl - who knows - Aedyn.

I am hoping to have lots of pictures to post for the world to see the Miracle God has granted.

In addition, getting to Sunday will mark the 18 wk milestone (saturday) which is when Ethan's water broke - so getting to Sunday for me will be one less mark for fear and then there are 3 more to go.....
The 20wk5/6 day when the twins were born, the 24wk milestone, and finally the 28wk milestone.

Then the woo hoo of a vacation so the neices and nephew can see Aunt Christine WAY Pregnant in the beautiful area of Estes Park CO.

I have 4 more months to get the office ready for my maternity leave. ironically enough, our Financial Audit is scheduled for wk39 :) i missed last years for being out on maternity leave and i will miss it again this year!!! well kind of - i will probably still work on things from home or the hospital.....dedication i tell ya.

Have a wonderful humpday - all.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

P17 shots vs PIO

Well tonight is the night - Shot 2 of the P17 shot. Not bad, but I am back to those 1.5inch needles 22 gauge - they are thick needles. I was getting use to those 25 gauge from the PIO in Ethyl Olate.

P17 you ask - this is 17-hydroxyprogesterone caproate in CASTOR OIL, yes i said castor oil - thick is an understatement.

All in all, it is once a week and is doing a good job so far as i know.

I can say that after the shot - i cant quite feel the baby bouncing around as much.

Since the formula has some type of muscle relaxant to keep the uterus from contracting - i figure the baby is still in there bouncing around, i just can feel it quite a much.

I love my doppler, i still have not figured out how to record it yet, but am working on it.

Have a great week friends - March is almost over!

Friday, March 28, 2008

What a week

Okay so I figured out how to do a few changes to this blog - i am getting used to it still.

the week has been quite busy, with work, taxes, and sleep :)

Last night, i was playing with the home doppler and found the baby's heartbeat right away! 149! What a lovely sound, i have to figure out how to record it so i can post it....give me a week or so to do that.

This weekend is all about making room for the baby. we are going to be cleaning house and getting rid of things we no longer use, need, or have never used and will not be using! Luke AFB Airman's attic (the Air Forces Goodwill) here we come with lots and lots!

I have also been blessed by two wonderful friends with baby clothes ---- so much i have to buy more containers!

we are going to begin getting the baby's room ready. i am setting aside time at the end of April to finish our wonderful snoopy curtains and get some of the pillow's and blankets sewing machine wont know what hit it!

I am still a little worried as this next month is very critical for us. with the twins, Ethan's water broke at wk 18 which would be next saturday, and we delivered him at wk 20 and 5 days, then Andrew at wk 20 and 6 days. As wk 21 passes, it will be a goal to make it to wk 24, then wk 28, then wk 32, and finally wk 36 - not really sure how far i will go after that.

As my angels continue to watch over their little brother/sister - and I continue to walk in faith that God has a plan for this child - I am still struggling with fear.

DH and I are off to watch a movie and spend some time together! Have a great weekend my friends!

Monday, March 24, 2008

A wonderful Easter

So this weekend was Easter - what is Easter really?

Most of the world celebrates the joy that Jesus brought to us with his sacrafice, others have no idea and buy bunnies, eggs, and jelly beans.

I am torn with a baby on the way and the loss of my two boys weather to fall into the societal norm for the occasion.

It is very difficult to be happy when there is still so much sadness in my heart. At the same time, I am so very thankful for this opportunity and still much sadder that for this lenten season, as Ash Wednesday came, i gave up on having twins as baby A's heart stopped beating. I am then reminded that on Good Friday - I was given a Good Report.

And I know how very blessed I am to have Jesus in my life to be with me all the time. Without him, I would be lost in a sea of darkness and dispair over Ethan and Andrew.....yet without him, I would also not be carrying this little peanut.

Oh what a confusing time - I guess that could be a big reason that I had an extremely awful headache Sunday Evening, or it could just be that I was due for an extremely awful headache.

Thanks for listening to me ramble today! Have a blessed week.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cervical Length Scan

so today is the big day!! CL Scan went very well 5.7 cm!!

and we got some pics of the little one - upside down---standing on his/her head. and what a beautiful spin, long long legs and arms.

two weeks we get the big Scan - where they measure everything!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

15w5d - March 20

okay tonight is the night before the Cervical Length Scan ---- tomorrow i will find out if we are a go for the cerclage or if all is good.

Since i still dont feel pregnant, as i was bless again with no m/s - i am still waiting for the second shoe to drop.

BTW - we are not going to find out the sex of the baby!

the big u/s for all measurements is on April 4.

I hope to keep up with this blog more frequently. So keep me on my toes here friends!

Living in the Present

so 6 wks had passed and AF shows up right on que.
we prepare for a FET to occur in Nov - too soon right - no, not soon enough.

Although loosing my wonderful, beautiful baby boys, the aching in my heart is more devastating with out a focus. So my focus is having a family so my angels have siblings to look after.

We are a go for Nov - but it doesnt work.

the RE gives us the green light to go again in Dec. So on CD3 i do my b/w and my u/s.
And I have a slight breakdown - after consulting with my regular RE, we decided to postpone until Feb or Mar - when emotionally and physically i will be ready.

But our hope in trying with my last prescription of clomid and doing the exact same regiment that we did with FET takes over! So we do and OPK after OPK after OPK - we finally get the LH surge and we BD and we BD and we BD.....what is the worst that can happen another BFN.
well that is what i get - HPT after HPT after HPT. when i have given in at 14DPO to just wait for Feb or Mar - the HPT has the lightest second line!

So off to Wal.mart we go - to buy more - and i test again - BFP, BFP, BFP!

Dec 31 - the next morning - I go in for the b/w ------- Beta 64
Jan 2 - b/w Beta 124
Jan 10 - b/w Beta 2742

Jan 17 - u/s in SD with Dr Lau.fer --------------TWINS!

fast forward to 9w6d - Baby A's heart has stopped beating and will soon be gone.
Okay so I fast forward quite a bit and will leave out all the wonderful details.....TMI

so at 19wks - Ethan's water broke - God led us to the hospital before this happened.
And at 20w4d (Aug24)- 3:41 AM - Ethan entered into this world only to have lost his life just seconds before we could meet.
Dr Sa.wai - tried her best to keep Andrew in the womb and for 33 hours and 1 minute, he continued to thrive and grow. But to no avail - he came to be with us at 12:42PM (Aug25). He stayed with us for just under 3 hours before he joined his brother in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am sorry I just cant get into the details with this one, it is still so very difficult for me. I have my good days and my bad days.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Head Count

So our short story on the head count. May 18, 2007 - we started out day very early with a 5 hour drive to San Diego for an ultrasound.

Just past the half way point we reach El Centro and I feel what seems like a bladder control loss - so I ask my wonderful husband to pull over the next exit with a bathroom.

He stopes at the McDonalds - I run into the ladies room to find that my panty liner is completly filled and overflowing with blood. I am now of course in a panic. Luckily there is a 7-11 just a few buildings away, we drive over to it and purchase sanitary napkins and i run into their rest room to put it on.

Back in the car, continue to journey to San Diego NTC. I call and get the voice mail, they are on the other line......I leave a message - "we are about 2 hours out, my appt is in 4 hours, however, i am bleeding quite heavily -please call me back with instructions"

less than 5 mins, they call - "Come directly into the NTC, we will see you as soon as you get here"

I lay back in the seat listening to You are my All in All from one of my Christian compliations.
Over and over, this song plays, my wonderful husband - just drives.
"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the Treasure that I seek, You are my All in All"

We get to the NTC - go straight up to the Infertility Clinic it is 11:30 - I get right into a room and ready for the u/s.
Beautiful pictures printed for us at 11:41 - There are TWO sacs, TWO heartbeats, and TWO Perfect Size Babies.
However, we are told, we must prepare with the amount of blood loss and the fact that there is still blood in the uterus that we may loose one or both of the babies. News we did not want to hear, but needed to know the truth.
I am put back on Progesterone suppositories and sent home. We are to come back in a week.

The Progesterone has stopped the bleeding!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The beginning

The beginning of this journey began quite some years ago. After several failed attempts the natural way, the clomid way, the gonal-f way, and the IUI way, we moved forward with IVF.

This chapter of our journey will begin when we started the IVF cycle.

CD1 - March 12, 2007 the beginning. Our IVF cycle began with supressing the ovaries with a simple birth control pill. This pill continued until April 2, 2007.
CD3 - CD12 was the fun doxycycline.
CD13 - March 23, 2007 - A free day :)
CD14 - CD22, the start of additional suppression Lupron Shots. For the first 3 days I made a mistake and took 20u per day instead of the 10 prescribed. I thought for sure I would run out before I was supposed to. So the remaining 6 days I took the 10u per day.
CD23 - April 3, 2007 ----it all begins, still on Lupron 10u, we also did our ultrasound and bloodwork. Also, just one day after stopping the birth control pill......she showed (Aunt Flow). It was perfect timing.

CD23 became CD1 with her apperance and we were really starting to move now!
I continued the Lupron at 10u for 2 more days. Estridiol = <10.0 pg/mL
CD4 - April 6, Lupron decreased to 5u, added a mini HCG of 3u and Follistim at 200.
April 8 - Estradiol = 187.9 mg/mL
This continued until CD8 - April 10, Lupron and HCG still the same, Follistim at 150. Estradiol = 452.0
This continued until CD10 - April 12, Lupron and HCG still the same, Follistim at 100. Estradiol = 1026.1
April 13 - Estradiol = 1728.4
April 14 - Estradiol = 2622.2
This continued until CD 13 - April 15, No more Lupron, HCG, or Follistim!!! WOO HOO --- UHH OHH - it is time for the trigger of HCG at 8PM sharp.

CD14 - April 16 - Egg Retrieval - arrived at 6:30AM. They put me under and when I awoke it was sometime around 10AM. Dr Laufer greeted me by changing my name to Eve :) There were able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!

April 17 - we wait for the call from the embryologist.....finally she calls to tell us our Fertilization report. We used ICSI to fertilize the eggs. Out of 25 eggs, 24 were mature, 21 had fertilized. Now we wait until ET to see how many survive for transfer and freezing.
tonight we also being the Progesterone in oil shots 1ml every night until the first beta comes back.

April 19 - Embryo Transfer is scheduled at 11:15. This was quite the adventure. First the diarhia and the very very very full bladder. Finally we get to talk with the embryologist on the status of our embryos. They are very pleased with their growth. Only ONE, yes ONE stopped dividing at 2 cells, which they discarded as it stopped dividing. So we have 20 embryos that continued to grow and divide appropriately. This is incredible!!!!
She goes over their growth individually with us, and has choose 2 perfect 8 celled embryos for transfer. So we now have 18 to freeze.
The transfer is supposed to take about 5 mins.......not for me. Everything thus far was going to smoothly, something had to give.
First the speculum was too small, as my uterus is tilted and it was not the right size for Dr Laufer to adjust to see the opening of the uterus. So they started over with a medium one.....keep in mind my bladder is extremely full. And now the Valium is kickin in.
Oh yeah, now we are on the move with the new speculum and the cathater with the embryos is on its way to inside of the uterus, only Dr Laufer can no longer see via ultrasound the location he is to release the bladder is still filling! He removes the cathater with the embryos and returns them to the embryologist who removes them from the cathater to count to ensure they are both still there. Dr Laufer than drains half my bladder.
We start all over, a new speculum and again a new cathater for the embryos and here we go again! They are finally in their new home 11:41AM. I rest for 30 mins and then they allow me to drain the remainder of my bladder and my WONDERFUL husband and I are on our way back to our room. Except, I am now starving, so we stop at Olive Garden for lunch.
And yes again, the remainder of the evening was spent with diarhia.

The 2 week wait begins..........May 1, 2007 - the Quantative Beta HCG test. We are very pregnant! Beta comes in at 225. May 3, 2007 - Dr Laufer calls - definately pregnant Beta comes in at 460. Time for the ultrasound to be scheduled to do a head count.

Aedyn at 26 weeks (Only You - David Crowder Band)