Our Journey Through Infertility

Wow has it been that long?

2009-12-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

Wow! I guess I have neglected this blog for quite some time.

I have been updating Aedyn's blog - not as regularily as I would like. But there are some great new pictures of her growing up!

http://www.aedynsatori.blogspot.com/

Well, where to begin?

Lets start --- as you know we found out in June that we were expecting again!

We are now at 34 weeks 4 days and expect that we have about 2 weeks 3 days left, however, give or take 3-5 days.

We have held out and still do not know whether this is a boy or a girl - we do however have names picked for a boy and a girl, both starting with the letter E.

Aedyn has grown over these 15 months into quite the busy little girl. She has a little sas walking about the house with her little hands on her hips all the time. It is really cute!

Here is the most recent photo of our full of life little girl!

What a week!

2009-06-28T21:02:00.001-07:00

This has been quite a long week!

I am exhausted and I only worked 3 days this week.

My mom came to visit so I took the 2 days she was here off to spend with her and Aedyn.

Aedyn loves her grandma that is for sure!

While I know there is this little body growing inside me and draining all my energy, Aedyn and I have so much fun together!

She has learned how to pull herself up and she loves to stand. When she is at her music table, I have started to sing "shake shake shake" and she will shake her little tushie! It is so cute. But everytime I get the camera to video clip it, she just stares at the camera. So I'll have to try to get her to do this while dad holds the camera.

She has finally got her second tooth coming in! One little ridge of the tooth has broken through the gum!

Tuesday is going to be another u/s day! We'll get to see little baby E's heartbeat again :) I think the NT scan will be scheduled for the 10th of July. Not too far off.

I am still in shock. I have no symptoms other than the fatigue, but that could be caused by anything really. I am working full-time, teaching online, and spending every waking moment Aedyn and hubby!

God has a plan....

2009-06-16T20:29:00.001-07:00

Although we are not always privy to the plan, there is a plan.

As you recall, in my last post, I got the Lap Band.

Well......Apparently on May 12th, when they did the pregnancy test before the surgery, I was not pregnant and I got banded!
Now ready to reduce my weight, my insulin, and get active with Aedyn, I began this new journey.

After a failed FET in Februray and a failed Clomid cycle in March, I new that it would be okay to slow it down and wait at least half of my total goal for weight loss was achieved for us to try for a sibling.

Well this is where God had a plan.

Apparently, the pregnancy test they did on the 12th, was just too early to detect with urine.
As of today, I am 8w5d pregnant with a singleton.

Now is the worry that the surgery may have done something to the development of this baby.

Your prayers are so needed and so appreciated!

The first u/s was today, a nice 158bpm and four little limbs growing, it was a beautiful sight.

We have choose not to find out the sex, but have agreed on both a girl and a boy name that starts with the letter E, so we will call this Baby E until the birthday.

Baby E is expected to come Jan 21, 2010, however we really believe that Dec 31, 2009 will be the birthday :)

Changes

2009-05-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

A lot has changed in the 2 months I have not update my blog.

April marked the end of tax season and gave me a little more free time. This free time was not really free time, it was borrowed time from Aedyn. She is growing so fast, I can hardly keep up with her.

On cinco de Mayo, her first tooth broke skin! We are expecting the second one any day now.

I turned 36 this month and began to hear the clock ticking louder than ever before. After our failed FET in Feb and failed clomid cycle in March, I have not been looking forward to more failure.

I made a big leap all within a 27 day period.
On April 15 - I went in for a check up and some recommendation on how to lose this infertility & baby weight. I was given a referal for the lap band.
On April 24th - I met the Surgeon, Dr Simpson
On April 30th - I had my Tricare approval for the lap band
On May 12th - I was banded

And today day 13 of the band, I have lost 10 lbs

The goal of this is to lose at least 50 more lbs by November and do our FET.

I feel like time is going by so quickly that I may miss that window to have a sibling for Aeydn.

Passing

2009-03-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

While it has been quite sometime since I have been updating my blog, a lot has happened.

I will start with seeking prayers for my beloved step grandfather, as he passed over the eve of saturday. He has now joined his wife. We will miss you and we will forever love you.
I have had thoughts today that they are with my other grandparents playing with the twins.

These last few weeks have been hard on me. We had a FET cycle in February which resulted in a BFN. Just getting the blood test was an ordeal in itself. It took a few days for it to finally really hit me and when it did, boy did it. I ended up taking a day to myself to allow for depression.
We thought that we should at least try the exact same method we did last year. We are on clomid this cycle. Let's see how this will work.

In the meantime, the sadness of loosing the twins, loosing Aedyn's twin, loosing two sets of two embryos, my grandma just before Christmas, and now grandpa J, has got me in the dumps.

I have found myself crying and missing the boys so much more when I am on the floor playing with Aedyn. I am sure this will pass, however, it is a little overwhelming.

I am not sure if this is all hormones due to the FET, or hormones as I go back to being normal, or if I am finally coming to reality.

Where to find me

2009-01-26T19:19:00.001-08:00

I have been so busy that I haven't really had much time to post.

I am now 6 days late and we have a lining u/s scheduled for 2/17 and our FET scheduled the following week....

so we will see.

Pray for AF to show up!

You can find more posts.....well at least a few more on Aedyn's blog:

http://aedynsatori.blogspot.com/

Come see us over there!

CD73 and Merry Christmas!

2008-12-22T18:30:00.001-08:00

Yes you read right today is CD73 and just became CD1!!! My body's way of giving me a wonderful Christmas :)

Now if she will just be sure to show up again in 28 days.

This would have us planned for our FET the first week of March!!!! WOOHOO!

CD 51 and counting

2008-11-30T01:51:00.001-08:00

Yes you read right I am on CD 51 and still no sight of AF. Definately not prego and not breastfeeding anymore.
So where oh where can she be?

I have a dr appt on tuesday, not for this, but i will ask they refer me to a GYN to get her started again. It is important that I get AF again and regularly in order to have our FET in Feb/Mar!

Being Thankful for year 2008.

2008-11-17T19:51:00.000-08:00

We have been asked to give our testimony as to why we are thankful this year. So I thought I would also fill you in.

We will recap last year....

After years of trying to grow our family DH and I turned to Fertility Treatments and went through IVF in April. We carried twins until Aug 24/25, 2007. At just over 20 wks, they came into the world and were with us for such a very short time. Through many months of grieving, we tried again only to find out the week of Thanksgiving last year, that we were not expecting. We scheduled to try again in December, and after quite a bit of anxiety and overwhelming grief for the Christmas Holiday, we cancelled our frozen transfer and decided that we could try on our own with the fertility meds we still had. And on December 30th, when I had all but given up on the idea of being pregnant, I took a home pregnancy test and it was a very very very light positive. I went the next day to confirm with a blood test - we were indeed pregnant.
Our year started out great and in the middle of this great year, we lost 2 beautiful boys, only to end this year on the same great note we started on. Within weeks of the new year, we found out that not only did we have 2 angels, we were expecting 2 babies again. We were overwhelmed with joy and fear.
It was Ash Wednesday - what would I give up this lenten season? God made that choice for me, one of the twins heartbeat had stopped. We would wait and watch over this pregnancy for the next 27 weeks. This was a long journey, but this year we are so thankful for the prayers, the doctors, and the gift that God gave us with Aedyn and 3 Angels to watch over her.

Still no sign

2008-11-15T06:41:00.000-08:00

Still no sign of AF - and no....there is no way i am pregnant.

Not even one symptom has peeked yet!

Where oh where are you AF?

2008-11-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

okay - so i had to check when was the last time i thought i had AF? the 10th of october, so i should have seen here again on the 7th of Nov, well today is the 11th and she is no where is sight or symptoms.
i should take bets on when she might show up. i really would like to get on a schedule again quickly - as march is coming quickly and i really want to do our FET like planned.

A pretty quite week

2008-10-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

well my last post was about the disappointment of the LLL meeting - the rest of the week has been pretty quite as far as life goes. the noise has been coming from the horrible gas little miss Aedyn has been having. It has not been a fun time, but I think that is now behind us. She has been doing great last night and today - so we count our blessings.
Tomorrow we get to see mr Jake - her little boyfriend! He is a real handsome baby. He will be 4 wks old on Saturday!!!

High Expectations

2008-10-14T13:16:00.001-07:00

Okay - I guess my expectations were set a little high after being a part of Resolve group meetings.....the LLL meeting was not what I expected at all. In fact, it was hardly a meeting at all.
I will start from the beginning.

I arrived at the coffee shop and found the other ladies and babies/toddlers.
Upon arrival, I was not greeted until after I said hello - is the the LLL meeting?
Then someone said oh yes, come join us. They seem to be so involved with just chatting amongst themselves.
There was no introduction period, and there was no useful discussions. It was primarily one of the three leaders of the group asking me questions one on one and then giving me a bunch of brochures.
There was only one other lady there that had a little girl just about a week younger than Aedyn. And she was there primarily to network since she is new in town.
No body there had issues with milk production let alone issues with breastfeeding.
Except the other lady and I - I am not really sure how she felt about the meeting, but I thought it was a waste of my morning. I am really disappointed. I was hoping I guess to have a more formalized discussion like we do with infertility at the resolve meetings.

Oh well - I guess when you set the bar too high, you are bound to be disappointed.

On to the afternoon - Aedyn and I went to visit our wonderful friends Mar.gie and Bo.bbi - we had a wonderful lunch and afternoon chat. Until Aedyn was ready to go home and sleep. So off to home we are.

AF or Not AF

2008-10-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

So I thought I had AF start on the 29th, it lasted for 4 days. Then I had AF start again on the 3rd, it is still here. So was the 29th AF or is the 3rd AF?

I am going to guess that the 29th was and so is the 3rd - with the nursing and the domperidone and having given birth, I think that the uterus is still shrinking down and the body is still trying to get rid of the excess blood.

I would say that my next cycle would truely be a normal cycle - hopefully it doesnt show up for a few more weeks though, then I can start to figure out my timing again.

Tomorrow is the La.Lache.Leage meeting over at a coffee shop down the way from the base, Aedyn and I are going to take a chance and attend the meeting. I am hoping to meet other mommies and find some support for the over flow of emotions I am having for not being able to produce enough for her.

Thursday is here 2 month appointment, so I will get to find out how much she now weighs and how much taller she is - hopefully she is doing great even though she still doesnt eat much at all.

well she is crying now, so I am going to sign off and give her lots of hugs and kisses :)

It has been a day!

2008-10-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

Okay where have I been? updating Aedyn's blog more often.

So AF came and went, and then showed up again today! Oh well, maybe last week was not AF??

My little Aedyn is doing so well, be sure to check out her blog for updated pictures.

So - I called the NTC (our IVF clinic) and found out the scoop on what is going on.

Basically we cannot scheduled a FET until it has been 6 months since Aedyn's birth - Navy Rules. But we can call 2 months prior to schedule the baseline u/s and the possible FET.

So we are looking at calling in January for a beginning of March baseline and FET - which if it works will bring us a little one sometime in October/November......perfect timing but if it doesn't we'll end up doing FET's until it does work.

Right now we have 16 frozen embryos....I would love it if we could have all 16 but, that is simply out of the question!!! with my age, the time involved, the cost to raise a football team, and the fact that - it is impossible for all 16 frozen embies to make it to implantation - so we pray for one, while silently I continue to pray for 2.

Once we have delivered #2(and maybe #3).......we will be donating our remaining embryos to other couples who are still on this journey.

We know there are several blood tests required and a really huge screening for both DH and I, but we also know that there are loving families out there who are struggling just like we did to have their family begin.

We prefer to have an open donation, to allow the parents to know who we are and for them to be able to contact us while their little one grows up. I feel that this would be a better situation if for some reason they need additional medical information or if our little one gets sick and needs us. In addition, the world is a small place and I would prefer to know that our children if they ever were to meet would NEED to know that they are biologically 100% brother/sister.

Okay - now that I have rambled on and on - I am going to sign off and spend some time with DH and Aedyn.

AF - Are you kidding me?

2008-09-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

Okay today is exactly 5wks4days since Aedyn was born and I just got AF! Are you kidding me, breastfeeding and pumping did not stop her from showing up! This is like some ugly joke or something.

Well - DH and I are still up in the air about taking the mini-pill. I have the prescription filled, but doubt I will take it. We have decided that since I am not going back to work and thus we are loosing quite a bit of income, we may not be able to afford the FET and maybe we should just try on our own again at least until we have some funds put aside for the FET to actually occur. Our plan is still April/May - so we will see.

Well Aedyn is awake, I need a shower and DH is now back to work. I miss him already!

Where Have I been?

2008-09-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

updating more on Aedyn's blog.

Our Journey for number 2 is in a waiting pattern as we want to wait until she is at least 7-9 months old before starting on this road again.

I did get some good info - the Na.vy Clinic has the contract again and is in the midst of preparing to take IVF/FET clients again. Hopefully all the renovations will be done by the time we are ready and we can do our FET with our FAVORITE RE Dr. Lau.fer :)

Being a mom is great - everytime i look at this little girl, i am happy and sad at the same time.
I am so happy to have her in my life and I am saddened that she will never get to know her two older brothers Ethan and Andrew. But I am reminded that they are watching over her and have been from the very beginning. I also must admit I am sad that she will never know the sister/brother that she lost so early in her gestation. And again, I know that little spirit is with her brothers in the arms of Heaven.

Next week will be Aedyn's first day at chuch and is also her dedication.

No more meds

2008-09-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

Okay - so after last nights feelings of being out of my mind and my body, I decided that I cannot continue taking the Reg.lan to help increase my milk production. I will have to accept what the the Good Lord is allowing me to have naturally. I figure I would take the fenugreek again - as the headaches have subsided and if it lowers my blood sugar i can just decrease my insulin needs until I am done taking it.

Truely - that medication had me so totally out of my mind, I couldnt even hold Aedyn for fear that I would drop her. I slept so much yesterday that when I woke, I was barely even awake. We tried to go out for dinner, I was so freaked out at dinner, we had to hurry up to get home. I dont ever want to feel that way again!

I woke up this morning like yesterday was a complete dream - just solidified that fact that I am not taking that stuff again.

I found this about it: all those in bold fit me!

What are the possible side effects of metoclopramide?

Stop using metoclopramide and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
tremors, or restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
mask-like appearance of the face; fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing; depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, jittery feeling, trouble staying still;
swelling, fluid retention; jaundice (yellowing of your skin or eyes); or seizure (convulsions).

Less serious side effects may include:
feeling restless, drowsy, tired, or dizzy; headache, sleep problems (insomnia);
nausea, diarrhea; breast tenderness or swelling; changes in your menstrual periods; or
urinating more than usual.

This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur. Tell your doctor about any unusual or bothersome side effect.

So needless to say - I am done with that stuff!

Not to mention -

What is metoclopramide?
Metoclopramide increases muscle contractions in upper digestive tract. This speeds up the rate at which the stomach empties into the intestines.
Metoclopramide is used short-term to treat heartburn caused by gastroesophageal reflux in people who have used other medications without relief of symptoms.
Metoclopramide is also used to treat slow gastric emptying in people with diabetes (also called diabetic gastroparesis), which can cause nausea, vomiting, heartburn, loss of appetite, and a feeling of fullness after meals.
Metoclopramide may also be used for other purposes not listed in this medication guide.

Okay - i know this is used to help with milk production..........but let me tell you Aedyn has had really really really bad gas pains for the last two days and I really think it is because of this medication.

I hope that it does go away now that I am not going to be taking it anymore.

Home Photo Shoot

2008-09-13T09:26:00.001-07:00

Today, Aedyn will have a photographer from the hospital stop by and do a quick home photo shoot of her.

Pictures pictures pictures - we get a free 8x10 out of it and i am sure we'll probably spend more money on beautiful pictures.

DH went to the Protestant Men of the Chapel breakfast this morning, so Aedyn and I have been on our own.

I did get a quick shower while she took her first after meal nap - which was very short. She was fussy for a little bit and is back down after getting a 20unit top off of formula.

the BF/pumping is getting a little better, my 1 oz per pump has slightly increased to just under 1.5 oz per pump session.

Am now taking a prescription that should starting showing effects by the 4th day and hopefully I can get at least 3-4 oz per pump session for her.

On a different note:
I have tried to call the In.fertility Clinic all week and get the answering machine! I will be trying again next week. Since we go to the NTC at San Diego - I have to find out if we are able to use our RE when we do the FET next year, or if we have to plan on more $ and go to the actual Off Base Clinic for our FET. There have been some Navy Contract Issues with the Infer.tilty program this year......so we'll see what happens come April/May.

The Feet compairson

2008-09-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

Okay - i know it is a little late to be comparing my feet.....

But I had to wait for my real feet to return in order to show you all the difference.

Today marks 42lbs lost out of the 50lbs I gained with Aedyn - yes I did say 42lbs!

After you look at my feet you will know that most of it was all water.

so this is how big my feet were at 34 wks.

And this is today how my feet look.

More thoughts

2008-09-06T12:15:00.001-07:00

well - not many more thoughts right now. It is all very complicated.

DH and I are so super thrilled that Aedyn is here!

Right now the thought is to try again in April or May - we'll see how we feel when the time comes, waiting a little longer is not necessarily a bad thing.

We waited 5 years for her, what is a few more months for the second or third :)

Aedyn's Due Date

2008-09-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

So today is the day - Aedyn was supposed to be due!

She came a few weeks early, 2wks2days early, and we couldnt be more overjoyed.

She is an amazing little girl and our miracle from God.

I know everyone is thinking, now that we have had a child, will we still continue this journey through IF?
Yes - I dont believe anyone every over comes IF. It is something that stays with you and is always learking in your mind.

We are planning to try again come April or May.

Although with my slightly advanced maternal age, we plan on using our frozen embryos for our second little miracle.
A few reasons being:
my age, time, my high risk status, and the fact that we are having a very difficult time with having 16 embryos frozen and what should be done with them.

we go back and forth with their future - mind you we will NEVER let them just be destroyed!

I have to finish my thoughts on this post a little later.

The little lady needs her diaper changed :)

Almost one week

2008-08-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Our little Aedyn has come!

After a very long induction, we ended up with an emergency c-section and a beautiful baby girl.

Aedyn came into the world on Aug 21 at 12:15 am at 6lbs 8oz, and 18 inches long. She has a full head of hair also.

please visit her blog for pictures and the whole story of her birth.

http://aedynsatori.blogspot.com/

3 DAYS....

2008-08-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

3 days is 72 hours - can this really be? I am quite sure more than 72 hours, but 3 days seems so short.
I have so many mixed emotions right now - i am happy, sad, scared, excited, anxious, and most of all so totally in love with someone i have never met before.
All I have of her is kicking and movement and the sound of her heartbeat.
I want to hear her scream and cry and breath.
I want to hold her close and just stare at her.

I am ready but not ready.

6 days to go??? maybe less

2008-08-14T20:58:00.001-07:00

Okay so we offically have 6 days to go, however we still think a little less.

Doesnt she know we made plans around her birthday! After all a lot of thought went into picking the date of induction.

It would be an independant birthday, we know of no one in either family or with friends who have her birthday.
The amnio scheduled for Tuesday would be done by our loved!!! Dr Strong, who coinsidently is also on duty Wednesday at the hospital, so in most likelyhood would delivery her!!!!

Okay - i know it isnt her that would be changing her birthday, it would be me or should I say my body!

So either way, we would be oh so glad to have her in our arms........but, lets stick to the plan here :)

Oh yes, it is amazing how much the skin streatches. My feet are about 3 times their normal size and are turning a dark reddish purple color ---- not sure this is really okay, but my BP is still great and I still have no signs of pre-eclampsia.

I do have an NST and fluid check tomorrow, I might ask if they would check to see if I am dialated yet. I had a little bit of mucus today, so anytime now and the plug will drop!

If I disappear and dont post by Sunday.......I might have had a little girl!