well - we made it past 20w6d and i feel a heavy weight lifted, but i am still struggling with the exhale. now i wait for wk24 to come and hopefully go to wk 28.
as my birthday comes and the just over a week comes mothers day, i am feeling a little uneasy. more like a basket case. i cannot seem to get past the fact that i should be holding two wonderful and lively boys on may 10th.....and i wont be. however, i know in my heart and mind, that i should be greatful and joyful for being able to know that this little one is still growing and thriving. at the same time, i feel so much guilt to want to feel this way.
i am grateful, but i am sad inside.
i am joyful, but i am still sad inside.
i have had 2 pregnancies in my life and have now lost 3 children - this math just doesnt work.
i pray that God has something extraordinary in store for this little Aedyn.
4 years ago