Wk 26

oh what an exciting day today has been.

we got to see little Aedyn and gave in......Aedyn is definately a GIRL!

she is beautiful and already has an attitude, she didnt want us taking any pictures of her face, so she kept putting her hands infront of her face, then she just had to show off how big her foot was.

the most amazing photo of all - looks as though she is praying that we will just leave her be so she can sleep.

here are a few of the pictures! and her is her site so you can see all 70 pictures.

http://www.babysites.com/sites/aedyn/

Memorial Day Weekend

Okay so i have been MIA - sorry!

I have been here and there and everywhere lately.

We are now into wk 25 and it still seems somewhat surreal. I look at my boys everyday and smile and then a tear comes okay so a few tears come. I miss them so much.

And when I start to get too sad, I feel little Aedyn moving around as if to remind me that although the boys are in heaven, she is here and will be to help mend my broken heart.

we plan on finishing her room this coming weekend after we have a 26wk 4D u/s. i will definatly post her pics after the u/s and the little movie if i can figure that out.

Oddly enough, i find myself planning for her future sibling(s) - with a transfer either at the end of April or the beginning of May, or every month there after until we are preggers.

I am getting older and I feel like the clock is ticking ever so loudly these days - many of the ladies I am around are either old enough to be my mom or their children are old enough to be my child's parent.

I digress.....

Have a great week and check back on Sunday for pictures of Aedyn!!!

Starting Aedyn's Room

Okay so i have some pictures to upload of Aedyn's room as we begin to complete it for her arrival. Yes i know we have 4 months to go, but it takes me a lot of time to make up my mind.

we are by all means not complete with the room.

we still have the glider to put together and place in the room along with the wall hangings.

we have a ton of clothes already!

Aedyn loves music!

Well it is tuesday! the week is not even over.....................

i have found that the more stimulation that is on around me, the more Aedyn moves around.
it is like she is dancing in my tummy. so i of course over do it..............listening to music and feeling her flip and jiggle around in there is such fun.....well that is until she feels the need to run into my bladder or jab me in the rib cage :)

Mother's Day has come and gone

So Mother's day has come and gone.

Although it was not a difficult day emotionally, the day after has been much harder.

My mom called, and i got a few text messages saying Happy Mothers Day.

DH knew that I wanted nothing to do with the celebration of the day. It is hard enough on us to know that we should have two little beautiful boys at home with us, but they are in heaven.

I know we have now come 23 wks into this pregnany and I am still not comfortable with everything.

I am however getting much better with my attachment to this baby.
as each week progresses and her movements become much more frequent, i am starting to feel more and more comfort in bringing her home sometime in August or September.

I will be updating her website with all of the u/s pictures this week - and i will add the link when i am done.

I also found my camera so i can take pictures of her room!

Oh yeah - i still think she is a girl, but will know for sure on her birthday :)

Cinco De Mayo!!

so my first day of 35 came and went - nothing special, no noticable changes.

Little Aedyn is moving around much more now and defintely reminds me when it is time to eat something - with a few jabs in the abs and a nice streatch pushing against a rib or two.

Although with all the cushion in the mid section it isnt anything anyone else would notice.

I will begin practicing on my Guitar again in the next week - i have a nylon acoustic and the strings are being a little picky, i will probably go and get a steele string this week.
I am not great, but I want to learn to play the first song on this list by the David Crowder Band.

And they say at about wk 24, the baby can hear, i figure not only will the baby hear, but Aedyn will be able to feel the vibrations of the guitar against my belly.

well the week so far has started off a little slow - which is going to make the week drag, luckily i dont have to work on Friday - first the u/s and echo then off to Vegas.

kind of a mix of emotions on this mothers day weekend to come.

My last day of 34

today is the last day i will be 34 - it is somewhat bittersweet. while my best laid plans were to have 2 beautiful and vibrant children before i was 35 - while part is true the other is yet to come.

i have 2 beautiful boys who in the heavens are vibrant babies.

i will celebrate this birthday with a baby on the way - 21w6d - more than half way there.

today one year ago i was given news of a positive beta - a birthday present that i never thought could be topped. and although there is nothing that can top the joy of my first day of 34. i know that this little miracle is just that a miracle and that we are so blessed and greatful to God for all he has done and given us.

i miss my boys.

The First Milestone

well - we made it past 20w6d and i feel a heavy weight lifted, but i am still struggling with the exhale. now i wait for wk24 to come and hopefully go to wk 28.

as my birthday comes and the just over a week comes mothers day, i am feeling a little uneasy. more like a basket case. i cannot seem to get past the fact that i should be holding two wonderful and lively boys on may 10th.....and i wont be. however, i know in my heart and mind, that i should be greatful and joyful for being able to know that this little one is still growing and thriving. at the same time, i feel so much guilt to want to feel this way.

i am grateful, but i am sad inside.
i am joyful, but i am still sad inside.

i have had 2 pregnancies in my life and have now lost 3 children - this math just doesnt work.

i pray that God has something extraordinary in store for this little Aedyn.

Thank you my friends for yours and support - yesterday was a hard day for me and today is not much better, as i am sure tomorrow will also be difficult.
i know once these few days have passed, i will be able to exhale.

over this weekend, we will be getting the office cleared out and a new desk and wall until for storage in it.
the room will be completed with its beginning decor on the walls and what not.
DH and I are going out to the raceway for some event - i just want to spend some time with him.

we are going to throw out the junk in our house!!!

clearing out the old and in with the new!

I do have another u/s coming up -not sure if i remembered to share that it will be the friday just before Mother's day!

Have a wonderful weekend and many blessings as this April month comes to a close.

Turmoil of the heart

so it has been a while since i was here.

i have had quite a bit of turmoil in my heart.
the time is approaching in this pregnancy where with the twins they entered our world too soon. it is just over 24 hours away when Ethan was born at 20wks5days.

although i am overjoyed with being given a chance for this child to enter our lives, i feel somewhat sad, mad, and uninvolved.
on the one hand, i should be here writing about Ethan and Andrews 3+months of wonderful growth, but on the other hand reality sets in and i am here writing about a new baby coming and i still cannot seem to get past this unattachment.

i have taken steps to try to bring some type of attachment or bond into this pregnancy, but i cant seem to get past the past.

we have completed putting the crib, chest, and armoire together and set up the room somewhat, we still need the decor on the walls - but this will be in the next weeks to come.

we have given this little peanut a name - Aedyn, weather he is a he or she is a she.

it is like life has gone on and i am still standing in the sadness and sorrow of losing my boys. i almost feel so selfish and unappreciative of this miracle Gods has given me.....
despite the fact that he once again took what he gave me.
not just loosing Ethan and Andrew, but also loosing Aedyn's twin not even 10 wks ago - on of all days - Ash Wednesday.

I am still waiting for the shoe to drop - my next appt has another u/s and an echo for the baby......i keep thinking that will be the end of this pregancy too.

I know that i am still in a state of grief for not only the boys but for the lost twin......i just cant seem to get out of the funk to enjoy this pregnancy and the fact that i might really get to bring this little peanut home to love and hold and nurture into a wonderful person.

I am quite sure that these feelings are overwhelming me because of the timing in this pregnancy,and i am sorry to be such a downer today.

I know that the Lord walks with me and has great things instore for this child, after all the pain and sorrow that has been bestowed on his/her parents in less than a year's time.

Many blessings as this passover week comes to an end.