Hump Day - Go Go Go Go Go!

so it is now the middle of the week and it has been non stop. well - i am stopping for a moment now!

I am getting more and more excited for Friday, not because it marks the end of the week, but we will get to see this little one.

Our little boy/girl - who knows - Aedyn.

I am hoping to have lots of pictures to post for the world to see the Miracle God has granted.

In addition, getting to Sunday will mark the 18 wk milestone (saturday) which is when Ethan's water broke - so getting to Sunday for me will be one less mark for fear and then there are 3 more to go.....
The 20wk5/6 day when the twins were born, the 24wk milestone, and finally the 28wk milestone.

Then the woo hoo of a vacation so the neices and nephew can see Aunt Christine WAY Pregnant in the beautiful area of Estes Park CO.

I have 4 more months to get the office ready for my maternity leave. ironically enough, our Financial Audit is scheduled for wk39 :) i missed last years for being out on maternity leave and i will miss it again this year!!! well kind of - i will probably still work on things from home or the hospital.....dedication i tell ya.

Have a wonderful humpday - all.

P17 shots vs PIO

Well tonight is the night - Shot 2 of the P17 shot. Not bad, but I am back to those 1.5inch needles 22 gauge - they are thick needles. I was getting use to those 25 gauge from the PIO in Ethyl Olate.

P17 you ask - this is 17-hydroxyprogesterone caproate in CASTOR OIL, yes i said castor oil - thick is an understatement.

All in all, it is once a week and is doing a good job so far as i know.

I can say that after the shot - i cant quite feel the baby bouncing around as much.

Since the formula has some type of muscle relaxant to keep the uterus from contracting - i figure the baby is still in there bouncing around, i just can feel it quite a much.

I love my doppler, i still have not figured out how to record it yet, but am working on it.

Have a great week friends - March is almost over!

What a week

Okay so I figured out how to do a few changes to this blog - i am getting used to it still.

the week has been quite busy, with work, taxes, and sleep :)

Last night, i was playing with the home doppler and found the baby's heartbeat right away! 149! What a lovely sound, i have to figure out how to record it so i can post it....give me a week or so to do that.

This weekend is all about making room for the baby. we are going to be cleaning house and getting rid of things we no longer use, need, or have never used and will not be using! Luke AFB Airman's attic (the Air Forces Goodwill) here we come with lots and lots!

I have also been blessed by two wonderful friends with baby clothes ---- so much i have to buy more containers!

we are going to begin getting the baby's room ready. i am setting aside time at the end of April to finish our wonderful snoopy curtains and get some of the pillow's and blankets done.....my sewing machine wont know what hit it!

I am still a little worried as this next month is very critical for us. with the twins, Ethan's water broke at wk 18 which would be next saturday, and we delivered him at wk 20 and 5 days, then Andrew at wk 20 and 6 days. As wk 21 passes, it will be a goal to make it to wk 24, then wk 28, then wk 32, and finally wk 36 - not really sure how far i will go after that.

As my angels continue to watch over their little brother/sister - and I continue to walk in faith that God has a plan for this child - I am still struggling with fear.

DH and I are off to watch a movie and spend some time together! Have a great weekend my friends!

A wonderful Easter

So this weekend was Easter - what is Easter really?

Most of the world celebrates the joy that Jesus brought to us with his sacrafice, others have no idea and buy bunnies, eggs, and jelly beans.

I am torn with a baby on the way and the loss of my two boys weather to fall into the societal norm for the occasion.

It is very difficult to be happy when there is still so much sadness in my heart. At the same time, I am so very thankful for this opportunity and still much sadder that for this lenten season, as Ash Wednesday came, i gave up on having twins as baby A's heart stopped beating. I am then reminded that on Good Friday - I was given a Good Report.

And I know how very blessed I am to have Jesus in my life to be with me all the time. Without him, I would be lost in a sea of darkness and dispair over Ethan and Andrew.....yet without him, I would also not be carrying this little peanut.

Oh what a confusing time - I guess that could be a big reason that I had an extremely awful headache Sunday Evening, or it could just be that I was due for an extremely awful headache.

Thanks for listening to me ramble today! Have a blessed week.

Cervical Length Scan

so today is the big day!! CL Scan went very well 5.7 cm!!

and we got some pics of the little one - upside down---standing on his/her head. and what a beautiful spin, long long legs and arms.

two weeks we get the big Scan - where they measure everything!

15w5d - March 20

okay tonight is the night before the Cervical Length Scan ---- tomorrow i will find out if we are a go for the cerclage or if all is good.

Since i still dont feel pregnant, as i was bless again with no m/s - i am still waiting for the second shoe to drop.

BTW - we are not going to find out the sex of the baby!

the big u/s for all measurements is on April 4.

I hope to keep up with this blog more frequently. So keep me on my toes here friends!

Living in the Present

so 6 wks had passed and AF shows up right on que.
we prepare for a FET to occur in Nov - too soon right - no, not soon enough.

Although loosing my wonderful, beautiful baby boys, the aching in my heart is more devastating with out a focus. So my focus is having a family so my angels have siblings to look after.

We are a go for Nov - but it doesnt work.

the RE gives us the green light to go again in Dec. So on CD3 i do my b/w and my u/s.
And I have a slight breakdown - after consulting with my regular RE, we decided to postpone until Feb or Mar - when emotionally and physically i will be ready.

But our hope in trying with my last prescription of clomid and doing the exact same regiment that we did with FET takes over! So we do and OPK after OPK after OPK - we finally get the LH surge and we BD and we BD and we BD.....what is the worst that can happen another BFN.
well that is what i get - HPT after HPT after HPT. when i have given in at 14DPO to just wait for Feb or Mar - the HPT has the lightest second line!

So off to Wal.mart we go - to buy more - and i test again - BFP, BFP, BFP!

Dec 31 - the next morning - I go in for the b/w ------- Beta 64
Jan 2 - b/w Beta 124
Jan 10 - b/w Beta 2742

Jan 17 - u/s in SD with Dr Lau.fer --------------TWINS!

fast forward to 9w6d - Baby A's heart has stopped beating and will soon be gone.

Okay so I fast forward quite a bit and will leave out all the wonderful details.....TMI

so at 19wks - Ethan's water broke - God led us to the hospital before this happened.
And at 20w4d (Aug24)- 3:41 AM - Ethan entered into this world only to have lost his life just seconds before we could meet.
Dr Sa.wai - tried her best to keep Andrew in the womb and for 33 hours and 1 minute, he continued to thrive and grow. But to no avail - he came to be with us at 12:42PM (Aug25). He stayed with us for just under 3 hours before he joined his brother in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am sorry I just cant get into the details with this one, it is still so very difficult for me. I have my good days and my bad days.

The Head Count

So our short story on the head count. May 18, 2007 - we started out day very early with a 5 hour drive to San Diego for an ultrasound.

Just past the half way point we reach El Centro and I feel what seems like a bladder control loss - so I ask my wonderful husband to pull over the next exit with a bathroom.

He stopes at the McDonalds - I run into the ladies room to find that my panty liner is completly filled and overflowing with blood. I am now of course in a panic. Luckily there is a 7-11 just a few buildings away, we drive over to it and purchase sanitary napkins and i run into their rest room to put it on.

Back in the car, continue to journey to San Diego NTC. I call and get the voice mail, they are on the other line......I leave a message - "we are about 2 hours out, my appt is in 4 hours, however, i am bleeding quite heavily -please call me back with instructions"

less than 5 mins, they call - "Come directly into the NTC, we will see you as soon as you get here"

I lay back in the seat listening to You are my All in All from one of my Christian compliations.
Over and over, this song plays, my wonderful husband - just drives.
"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the Treasure that I seek, You are my All in All"

We get to the NTC - go straight up to the Infertility Clinic it is 11:30 - I get right into a room and ready for the u/s.
Beautiful pictures printed for us at 11:41 - There are TWO sacs, TWO heartbeats, and TWO Perfect Size Babies.
However, we are told, we must prepare with the amount of blood loss and the fact that there is still blood in the uterus that we may loose one or both of the babies. News we did not want to hear, but needed to know the truth.
I am put back on Progesterone suppositories and sent home. We are to come back in a week.

The Progesterone has stopped the bleeding!

The beginning

The beginning of this journey began quite some years ago. After several failed attempts the natural way, the clomid way, the gonal-f way, and the IUI way, we moved forward with IVF.

This chapter of our journey will begin when we started the IVF cycle.

CD1 - March 12, 2007 the beginning. Our IVF cycle began with supressing the ovaries with a simple birth control pill. This pill continued until April 2, 2007.
CD3 - CD12 was the fun doxycycline.
CD13 - March 23, 2007 - A free day :)
CD14 - CD22, the start of additional suppression Lupron Shots. For the first 3 days I made a mistake and took 20u per day instead of the 10 prescribed. I thought for sure I would run out before I was supposed to. So the remaining 6 days I took the 10u per day.
CD23 - April 3, 2007 ----it all begins, still on Lupron 10u, we also did our ultrasound and bloodwork. Also, just one day after stopping the birth control pill......she showed (Aunt Flow). It was perfect timing.

CD23 became CD1 with her apperance and we were really starting to move now!
I continued the Lupron at 10u for 2 more days. Estridiol = <10.0 pg/mL
CD4 - April 6, Lupron decreased to 5u, added a mini HCG of 3u and Follistim at 200.
April 8 - Estradiol = 187.9 mg/mL
This continued until CD8 - April 10, Lupron and HCG still the same, Follistim at 150. Estradiol = 452.0
This continued until CD10 - April 12, Lupron and HCG still the same, Follistim at 100. Estradiol = 1026.1
April 13 - Estradiol = 1728.4
April 14 - Estradiol = 2622.2
This continued until CD 13 - April 15, No more Lupron, HCG, or Follistim!!! WOO HOO --- UHH OHH - it is time for the trigger of HCG at 8PM sharp.

CD14 - April 16 - Egg Retrieval - arrived at 6:30AM. They put me under and when I awoke it was sometime around 10AM. Dr Laufer greeted me by changing my name to Eve :) There were able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!

April 17 - we wait for the call from the embryologist.....finally she calls to tell us our Fertilization report. We used ICSI to fertilize the eggs. Out of 25 eggs, 24 were mature, 21 had fertilized. Now we wait until ET to see how many survive for transfer and freezing.
tonight we also being the Progesterone in oil shots 1ml every night until the first beta comes back.

April 19 - Embryo Transfer is scheduled at 11:15. This was quite the adventure. First the diarhia and the very very very full bladder. Finally we get to talk with the embryologist on the status of our embryos. They are very pleased with their growth. Only ONE, yes ONE stopped dividing at 2 cells, which they discarded as it stopped dividing. So we have 20 embryos that continued to grow and divide appropriately. This is incredible!!!!
She goes over their growth individually with us, and has choose 2 perfect 8 celled embryos for transfer. So we now have 18 to freeze.
The transfer is supposed to take about 5 mins.......not for me. Everything thus far was going to smoothly, something had to give.
First the speculum was too small, as my uterus is tilted and it was not the right size for Dr Laufer to adjust to see the opening of the uterus. So they started over with a medium one.....keep in mind my bladder is extremely full. And now the Valium is kickin in.
Oh yeah, now we are on the move with the new speculum and the cathater with the embryos is on its way to inside of the uterus, only Dr Laufer can no longer see via ultrasound the location he is to release the embryos.........my bladder is still filling! He removes the cathater with the embryos and returns them to the embryologist who removes them from the cathater to count to ensure they are both still there. Dr Laufer than drains half my bladder.
We start all over, a new speculum and again a new cathater for the embryos and here we go again! They are finally in their new home 11:41AM. I rest for 30 mins and then they allow me to drain the remainder of my bladder and my WONDERFUL husband and I are on our way back to our room. Except, I am now starving, so we stop at Olive Garden for lunch.
And yes again, the remainder of the evening was spent with diarhia.

The 2 week wait begins..........May 1, 2007 - the Quantative Beta HCG test. We are very pregnant! Beta comes in at 225. May 3, 2007 - Dr Laufer calls - definately pregnant Beta comes in at 460. Time for the ultrasound to be scheduled to do a head count.